Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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