Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
