At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
