I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
