barbara walters just said penis...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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