My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
