Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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