She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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