one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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