That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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