I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
