Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
