I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
