Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
