508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
