plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
