I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize