Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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