I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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