I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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