i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
