I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize