actually, I'm a sock model
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
