her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
