Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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