I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize