Just cropdusted the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
