I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
