I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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