that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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