So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
