Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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