I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We need to get me chipped asap
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
