I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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