so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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