I think my vagina is haunted
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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