so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
