I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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