So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
