Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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