and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im holly from the hills drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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