i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
