Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
