Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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