He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize