I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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