saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
