glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize