we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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