yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
