Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
