**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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