when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
