Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
