One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize