someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
