don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
