I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
