hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
did you just send me my own nude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
