I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
