New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
