Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
