In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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