I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
